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Tuesday, 2 April 2019

Positive Quotes and their negative impact on some of us

Yes, you read it well! Positive quotes, love them or hate them, can in some case have a negative impact on some of us and I am one of them. In my case, they are making my blood boiled. They sometimes infuriate me, making me angry and most of all making my anxiety and lack of confidence go up the roof sometimes. Let me explain.
What is a quote? 
I mean I am not here to explain what a quote is because we know what they are. A positive sentence to perhaps lift your mood or making you appreciate what you have. They come in all shapes and forms. Some are only few words long some are a long winded message. Regardless how they are they all there to help you or making you appreciate different aspect of life or even making you look at things differently.
Where do you find them? 
Since the rise of social medias in the past 10-12 years or so, they suddenly seems to have appear exclusively on every social medias out there. First with Facebook where countless pictures of cuddly teddy bear telling you 'everything is going to be ok' (because yeah sure a cartoonish bear is going to make me feel ok apparently) or ' live your dream' and anything which includes words such as: Dream, happiness, friends, family, helping or Love in it will just do.
Instagram & Twitter follow not long after that. Now they are everywhere! You can not avoid them, even so I try very hard to. There is always that cheesy cuddly bear hunting you or that 'all my dreams are going to come true if I do work hard' plastered on all my social feed along with two other billions other quotes.


Why do you dislike them?
It took me a little while to try to understand why I hate them.
At first I though it was only because they are, for most of them, extremely cheesy with their sunset or beach background or written in a heart shape or any cartoon or cute pictures that supposed to make us do: 'aww....' with a smile on your face and be like ; 'oh...! let me share this' (because you know its so 'beautiful and true') on every social medias. 'My friends/ followers / family / cats/ dogs are only going to appreciate me sharing it ' .
My reaction would most likely be:
I ll just ignore them and move on to the next things and forget about it . Or on few occasions I might perhaps find myself reading them (and then wonder why the fuc* I just read them?) because I most likely will say or think something like: 'Oh fu*k off !' or 'yeah ...whatever' and then I 'll move on to the next things. 
But why? Why I have that angry, disgust reaction every time I do read them? Why? 


Its because they made me feel inadequate. Here you have it. 
When you are being shove into your throat 24/7 that ' smile be happy', 'work hard and all your dreams will come true' or 'make today awesome' or 'don't stop until you re proud' etc. This constant reminder that we need to be happy , we need to work hard and all this make my anxiety going up the roof. 
Those positive quotes have for me the opposite effect. They do not made me feel good about myself they have the strong ability to make me feel totally useless, totally inadequate , a total loser and mostly not good enough. 
For example lets use the most known quote out there, which is also the one I probably hate the most its:
'work hard and all your dreams will come true'


What this does even mean? What does it imply? Why do I have to work very hard to make my dreams come true? Can I just work normal hours and still make my dreams come true? Why do I have to? Is it working at your 9 to 5 day job? A full time at home mum? Is it working hard with yourself? Is it working very hard on cleaning your house perhaps? and the dream...? What's the dream? is it to become the employee of the month? is it winning the lottery? Is it becoming successful in your business? is it  hoping to go to 2 weeks in Bali? What is the dream?
Me when I read this quote straight away it made me feel like I am not working hard enough because some of my dreams are yet to happen or simply will never happen because : LIFE 
Life as the immense capability to throw at your face a lot of shits and well, as a responsible adult, you have to deal with it, and perhaps your long term life dream to all quit and live your dream in a forest cabin and carve wooden spoon as an hobby, (if that is your dream) is not yet going to happen. Because Hello Mortgage! Hello responsibilities! 
So when I read this it doesn't make me want to work harder at all but it does makes me want to curl up into a ball on the sofa, and binge watching Netflix for 10 hours straight. Not by laziness but because I feel I am a pile of shit clearly as I am yet to make 'my dreams comes true' and clearly I don't work my ass off hard enough apparently. 
So perhaps I should just skip sleeping at all and work at night too so then I 'll deserve my fucki*g dreams. Yeah mate! thanks but sorry I like to sleep at night. 
And perhaps I don't have dreams, not everybody dream to be a millionaire or have 100 k Instagram followers or else. Some of us just dream to be healthy or just for a lifetime happiness. In my case I will settle down with a happiness life with my daughter and husband ( and guess what I am happy with them already) and to gain my health back which lets be honest even if I work very hard on it my physical health will never be like it used to be before >Hello Diabetic.

You can keep your dream and your very hard work, thank you very much!

Those kind of quotes does not help me but are a reminder that I am not good enough, not good enough to myself and to the people I care about. It made me feel stress, anxious and even lonely.
Lonely . Because I feel like everyone is on the Quote wagon and I am just avoiding them as much as physically can. Lonely to feel like everybody are embracing them with hurt emoji plastered it all around it and I am just hoping I 'll get through the day without murdering anyone by 4 pm.


So what to do ?
Yes the first thing that most people will tell you its: Just ignore them.  Cheers mate ! Trust me it did not take me long to figure this out. So of course 99% of the time they have no effect on me and I literally just ignore them but what about the other 1% that affect me? what am  to do ? And to be honest I don't have the answer to this. Apart yes perhaps ignore the 1% left too. But what if I struggle with it? So what are your suggestion? 


Why some people love them?
Lately on my Instagram story I mentioned that positive Quotes were making me, at time: angry, inadequate and mostly making me feel like the biggest pile of shit.
Following that story one of my good Instagram friend Hayley, DM me to kindly telling me that in her case they help her with her mental health and that is fine. Of course if positive quotes are helping you in what ever you are dealing with then embrace them by all mean. And I 'll be the first one to encourage you to do so.

Where it become a problem its when they are over shared and that it seems you can't get away from them .My advice to quote sharers its perhaps you are to remind yourself before posting 10 quotes, one after the other, in one Instagram story session (I see this all the time) that perhaps its a bit too much? That perhaps a friend of you, following you on Instagram, might have a shit day and that person do not find quote helping but instead a phone call would be more efficient to her that a quote shove at the back of her throat along with heart emojis? Perhaps instead of posting 10 different positive quotes perhaps limits yourself to post just one and perhaps just keep them for yourself.
But I know I am not here to tell people what to do with their social medias.


There is always the unfollow or mute options but its not always as easy as it seems. 
Like for example my Instagram friend Hayley, as mentioned above. She loves quotes and she shares them every now and then on her Instagram stories or on her Instagram feed. I am not planning to mute or to unfollow her as I consider her as my good supporting mumma Instagram friend. 
I accept her choice and respect it but it does not mean I like it


So here you have it my tough on positive quotes and I would love to hear your though about it, regardless if you love or hate them. and if you love them and are a strong sharer of quote perhaps my post will open your eyes on the negative effect that a quote might have on other peoples. Wishing to do good by sharing does not necessary mean you will do good. Here a though.


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5 comments

  1. Awwww... you should not feel inadequate or feel anything that will put you down! A positive quote is supposed to raise you up, to inspire you, to brighten up your day.
    I am sorry you felt the opposite... although background image really piss me off sometimes, too
    https://sepatuholig.blogspot.com/
    ig @grace_njio

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    1. I understand what they are for but they do not raise me up, they do not inspire me or brighten up my day in fact I was much happier before people start using them constantly many years ago now. Its the opposite for 1% of the time ( not every time) . Thanks for your comment :) x

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  2. Really interesting, to be hones I'm not a fan of the quotes that much either but never thought that deeply about why. Thanks for sharing this.

    Gemma x
    www.jacquardflower.uk

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    1. I am glad to read that you too are not a big fan. Again this morning one of the Insta girl I am following posted like 5 quotes in one setting on her stories and it made me a bit upset about it. People don't realise sometimes it can be a bit too much. No worry ! Glad you enjoyed reading my post.

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  3. Well I do love quotes, but understand how they can be annoying to some people, especially if they they create anxiety in you. I would look hard as to why you hate them, since you are not quite sure why. The "work hard and all your dreams will come true" is pretty far fetched, because you can work yourself to death and your dreams my still not come true. My thoughts are that it's up to how you perceive them, and if you don't like them your strategy of moving on to the next thing is probably best. Putting more energy on what you don't want actually attracts what you don't want. So just accepting that they exist and moving on is best! Save your energy for what you love and motivates you, focus on that!

    Sincerely,
    Tania
    https://inspiremyfancy.com/

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